~/jeffreymoro/blog/2026-01-31-keys-ranked

24. F major

Fuck ass key. Like running across flat ground and then tripping on a little rock. Very clearly for brass instruments. Unsubtle and boorish.

23. G major

ooooh look at me I’m G majorrrrrr I’m just as boring as C major but I try to stand out with my extra little sharp aren’t I dainty aren’t I demure fuck OFF

22. C♯ minor

Here’s the thing about C♯ minor. When I was younger it was my favorite key mostly because of Chopin leaning heavy on it to express Yearning but also Tempestuousness (two things a closeted thirteen-year-old knows plenty about) but after I have gotten older I have come to see it as a bit trite and also it lays annoyingly in the hand. When we grow up we must put aside childish things and etc.

21. C major

Normal-type key. I mean it’s fine. But it doesn’t really stand for anything, you know? Identity crisis of a key.

20. A major

Boring idk not much more to say here.

19. D minor

D minor gets a bit of a bad rap because of the whole “saddest of the keys” line from Spinal Tap but here’s the thing. It is a sad key (although not the saddest) and it does have the virtue of having had the greatest single piece of Western music (the Chaconne from Bach’s Violin Partita) written in it; HOWEVER that does not overcome the fact that it has ONE FLAT like its enharmonic BITCH F major and that flat is anNOYing.

18. G minor

This key is made for run-down haunted houses in Pittsburgh staffed by burn-out teenagers who are just a little tooooo in to the fact that they’re allowed to get as close to the patrons as possible without actually touching them.

17. B♭ major

Getting into keys that I start to actually like. The second flat helps it out a lot here, and the fact that playing in it often calls for better keys (esp. E♭) means that you don’t have to spend too much time in Annoying territory. When I was in my twenties my highest singing note was comfortably the F above middle C so playing in B♭ meant that I could use a comfortably full tessitura, but as I have grown agèd and infirm my range has dropped. So points off there.

16. A minor

The theme to Luigi’s Mansion is written in A minor. So it’s fine in my book for that alone.

15. C minor

Baby’s first sad key but you know what it has a certain je ne sais to it that cannot be denied. Odd shapes in the hand though.

14. F♯ minor

Now we’re getting into some interesting stuff. Love the tonal color that F♯ minor brings to the table but it has one fatal flaw: I have to squeeze a finger on a white key in between two black keys, and my adult hands are simply having none of that.

13. A♭ minor / G♯ minor

All the mystery and intrigue of F♯ minor but with the decency to give that middle finger some breathing room. Plus you get to modulate into B (more on this later).

12. B minor

Now we’re starting to get into some actually sad keys. The two-sharped keys are much more civilized to play than their two-flat brethren. Still a bit of a squeeze there on the middle finger, but we take what we can get. I would say they need to invent a piano with slightly wider keys but then I guess that would fuck up octave runs. Oh well you can’t have em all.

11. D major

The Pastoral sonata is one of my favorites to play so that’s mostly why this gets the ranking it does. Pretty reasonable key to sing in too provided that no one gets itchy and calls for that high A.

10. E major

You are going to now see pronounced black key favoritism for the rest of this list. What can I say, I am a pianist with fairly large hands and any time I can languorously reach up to keys rather than squeeze downward I am going to be a happier camper.

9. A♭ major

This one is tricky because en face I don’t actually like playing in A♭ as such. But it permits modulation to some of my favorite keys, so if I start in A♭ I figure I won’t have to stay there very long.

8. E minor

The actual saddest of keys btw.

7. E♭ major

Easiest key to sing in, hits all the right notes, lies right in the middle of my range. Now I know what you’re thinking. “But Jeffrey the G in the middle of the chord is crammed between two black keys, you downranked so many other keys for precisely the same formal feature.” To which I say this is MY website and MY list and I am allowed to be as INTERNALLY INCONSISTENT as I wish.

6. E♭ minor

Now we’re getting to the good shit. Love black keys. Love floating on top of the keyboard. E♭ minor has a little of an identity crisis though. Maybe it’s just because it’s rarely composed in but I know really know what it stands for. It absorbs some of the melancholia from its adjacent E minor, but not enough to really distinguish it. An odd duck of a key.

5. F minor

Eats C minor UP. Appassionata best minor-key Beethoven sonata by far accept no substitutions. A great balance between black and white keys.

4. B♭ minor

Stentorian key. Feels Russian. Great modulation potential.

3. C♯ major / D♭ major

If something is in C I’m gonna transpose it up to D♭. If something is in D I’m gonna transpose it down to D♭. D♭ is a workhorse key. As Dylan sang in “Make You Feel My Love” (in D♭), it “won’t ever do you wrong.”

2. F♯ major / G♭ major

I love this annoying ass key. À Therese is my favorite sonata. Even if I can never really keep track of whether it’s the E or the B that’s sharped (it’s the E), I still think it has tremendous coloring.

1. B major

Chopin taught his pupils the B major scale first because he felt it was the key that laid best in the hands and he was absolutely correct. A beautiful key. It can be aching, it can be funny, it can be wise, truly does it all.